Natural Disaster
by bluethursday
Summary: Bruce is declared a natural disaster. Tim decided to use the distraction to tell him he's dating Superman.


Summary: Natural Disaster

Disaster: Bruce is declared a natural disaster. Tim decided to use the distraction to tell him he's dating Superman.

Wolves Part 1: Tim drugs Bruce to tell him that he's dating Clark

Wolves Part 2: Dick and Bruce argue about Dick dating Roy. Tim watches and contemplates the possibility of Alfred tampering with his cereal.

Disclaimer: I own nothing (PS my Read more break is broken)

**Natural Disaster:**

"I was declared a natural disaster."

Tim smiled. "Think of it this way, at least you and Superman will have something to talk about."

Bruce scowled. "I was declared a natural disaster."

Tim rubbed his forehead in exasperation. "You somehow, somehow, mind you I still don't know how, you made it snow when Poison Ivy was about to win. In the middle of a heatwave. In summer. The outdoor pools froze."

Bruce glared. "I was declared a natural disaster."

Tim gave up. "Yes, yes you were. Eventually you will realize that it was a good thing. Eventually. Right now I'm going to go spend time with my boyfriend. Superman." It probably wasn't the best way to tell your father you were dating an alien twice your age who could potentially snap you in half like a matchstick, but there was no better time than now. Bruce was distracted enough to give Tim enough time to run.

"I was declared a natural disast-" His eyes widened as he spun around. "TIM!"

…**Wolves Part 1**

When Bruce woke up, he couldn't feel his limbs. When Bruce woke up he was well aware that he had been drugged. Inside his own home as Bruce Wayne, not Batman.

Tim stared down at him. "I wanted to tell you something."

Bruce glared. "So you drugged me?" If he tried he could move his big toe.

Tim crouched down. "It was this or tie you down and I wasn't sure that I would be able to make the ropes as secure as they needed to be to hold you."

Bruce stared. The logic was sound.

"I'm dating Clark." There was no good way to say it. No way Tim could explain it that wouldn't end with Bruce trying to kill Clark.

"I'll kill him" Were the first words out of Bruce's mouth. The only words that came to mind. He would take his kryptonite and he would cut off Clarks head and then he would drill a hole to the centre of the earth and dispose of the body. It would work. He would keep the head as a trophy to show all of Tim's future suitors.

Tim sighed. "This is why I drugged you. I know there's almost nothing I can say to make sure you don't kill him."

Bruce almost stopped glaring. Almost?

Tim smiled. It wasn't a kind smile. "If you kill my boyfriend." Bruce's scowl deepened at the word. "I will ruin your life. You'll still be Batman, but all your databases, all of Oracles databases, the entire Justice league master computer will crash. Repeatedly. As in you will never be able to make anything work. Ever again. It will be like the 1950's all over again."

Bruce's eyes widened.

Tim's smile turned disturbingly cheerful. "You can still threaten and maim him. You just can't kill him…unless he dumps me. Then you can kill him."

Bruce would have been more concerned about Tim's blatant lack of care for the theoretical death of Superman but he was too busy smiling. Threaten, maim. Yes, he could maim. He could maim, brutally.

…..**Wolves Part 2**

Dick snarled. "You didn't give Tim this much trouble and Tim's dating Superman."

Bruce frowned, crossing his arms. "Superman never did drugs. He also doesn't have a child."

Dick laughed. "At least Roy can't blow up the planet, and Superman has Connor."

Tim took another bite of cereal. He wondered what Alfred did to his Fruit Loops to make them taste this good. They never tasted this good when he wasn't in the Manor.

"Connor is a clone, not a mistake of teenaged stupidity-"

"Did you just call Lian a mistake." Dick interrupted.

Bruce blinked. "Yes. Roy may enjoy having a daughter but he never intended to have one. He never chose to have one, thus she is a mistake, or an accident. Whichever you prefer."

Dick stared in disbelief. "It's like you were raised by wolves. Violent evil wolves who ate babies. I finally understand who Damian gets it from."

Tim wondered if Alfred tampered with the package itself. Tim had never seen the package and whenever he looked for the cereal box he never found it. Maybe Alfred made home made fruit loops. Looking at his spoon Tim squinted. They looked like fruit loops. He smelled the spoon. They smelled like fruit loops. He placed the spoon in his mouth. They tasted better then fruit loops. How curious.

Dick turned to face Tim. "How did you do it. It's not like he forbade you from seeing Clark."

Tim looked up. "Actually Bruce was much worse about Clark. He wanted to kill him."

Dick watched Bruce warily, "What do you mean." Did he need to warn Roy.

"I mean." Tim paused in between a bite of his food. "He's much better about you dating Roy. He's not about to kill Arsenal. That's a good thing."

Dick nodded. "Superman is alive."

Tim nodded back. "Clark is alive."

"How is Clark alive."

Huh, even the milk wasn't that weird color it usually turned. Curiouser and curiouser. Oh, Dick was speaking.

"I drugged Bruce and then threatened to make his life unholy hell if he killed my boyfriend."

Dick blinked. Then he blinked again. Bruce smiled, proudly. Dick looked back and forth between the two of them. Dick gave up.

"Raised by wolves." He muttered under his breath as he walked out of the room.

Maybe Tim could sneak some of the cereal down to the lab for testing.

**Natural Disaster: Clark**

Clark curls up tighter underneath the nest of blankets he's accumulated from every corner of the apartment.

Tim sighs as he pushes the thick blue comforter back to get a better a view of the man he loved. "You do realize that you're being ridiculous. Or does this somehow make sense to you."

Clark pouts. "I was declared a natural disaster. I am entitled to hiding underneath a blanket for a while."

Tim stared. "You once moved a mountain."

Clark splutters. "Not on purpose. I fell. It's not like I could stop it, and I put it back exactly where it was."

Tim laid down beside him, slithering underneath Clark's blanket fort. "It's mostly for insurance purposes. It's also because this way you can't be arrested for property damage."

Clark wrapped his arms around the much smaller figure. "I didn't mean to." He sulked.

Tim rubbed the older man's back, it felt like flesh over iron. "I know you didn't Clark. This is a good thing."

Clark tightened his grip, throwing one leg over Tim's hips, pinning him closer to Clark and essentially trapping him in the blanket fort. "I was still declared a natural disaster. Batman was never declared a natural disaster."

"Batman never moved the Himalayas two feet to the left."


End file.
